new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
Sitting topless in my room drinking wine from a box... It's good to be back at school
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
Randomize
