what do kids with lesbian moms do for father's day? like do you talk about it? is it awkward? do you get the butchy mom a card?
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
JAMES WASHOMGTON STATE ATTACKED US
WE'RE FYCKED UL HARDCORW
THE REISLING ATRACEX US
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
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