Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
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