I'm lost and stupid without you.
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
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