Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
Randomize
