My cat gives me a boner
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
Randomize
