My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
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