btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
Randomize
