weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
Not my type, but the penis looks fun.
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
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