Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
Randomize
