Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
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