I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
She was sucking his dick at Seacrets outside bar in front of all of us...her friends kept coming over crying and yelling "Tiffany stop it"
There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
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