first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
Randomize
