True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
Randomize
