honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
Randomize
