I take back everything bad I said about that song party in the usa. There's just something about seeing a cross dresser lipsing it that makes a song sooo much better.
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
Randomize
