Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
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