If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
I know they r crazy. However porn on a big screen is an easy commitment. They come with mute, stop, fast fwd and replay buttons. if only all women came that way...
I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
Can I have the boy from 16 and pregnant's next baby???
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
Randomize
