found out what b.m.t stands for.
what did you think?
bread, meat, tomatoes, but then i realized that could be practically any sub.
Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
Randomize
