So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
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