i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
Randomize
