I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
everytime i listen to a chris brown song and like it i feel like i bad person
if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
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