Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
Randomize
