The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
Whatever, its basically a crime against humanity to miss an andre power hour so she'll get what's coming to her.
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
Randomize
