I'm afraid that if I tell my sister I think Zachary Quinto is gay I'll have to put her on suicide watch for the next week or so
Wtf am i supposed to tell my kids when they ask about my first time? "Mommy got drunk off her ass and fucked a total stranger in another stranger's bedroom, then got abandoned by the selfish prick and walk of shamed to the nearest gas station to call a cab, but ended up passed out in a park in a pool of her own puke."
At least mommy was smart enough to use protection and hack into the asshole's facebook account.
Well of course. Mommy may be a slutty drunk but she ain't no idiot.
It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
Randomize
