Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
They are pre-gaming a trip to congress...not sure how politically correct the group is.
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
Randomize
