how hairy? two words: wookie tits
She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
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