Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
Randomize