I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
u downloaded tardy 4 the party
then u started screaming about not wanting nene on the record
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
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