If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
ok please explain why some one shaved half of my pubes?
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
My legs feel like baby dolphins
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
Randomize
