the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
Can I color on your dick again?
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
For sure shouldn't do homework after beers and joints. Just cited like 3 sentences at the end with (History, 2013)
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
Randomize
