Fine. I'll sleep in my office
sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
seriously though if NH has the largest penis size... the rest of America must be very disappointed.
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
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