People are allowed to visit it's just they can't be from Germany and have to wear masks.
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
Randomize
