maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
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