Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
Randomize
