i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
i googled "where to have sex in disneyland." i found nothing.
Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
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