Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
Randomize
