Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
Randomize
