Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
Randomize
