we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
Randomize
