I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
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