I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
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