You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
True strength comes from lack of pants
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
Randomize
