I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
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