Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
Randomize
