Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
You were trust falling into bushes
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
Randomize
