maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
Randomize
