Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
good, we got high then went swimming. shelly forgot to keep swimming so we tied her to the ladder in the shallow part with her bikini top.
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
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