it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
What I wanna know is who took a picture eiffel towering her?
Someone shattered a urinal.
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
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