I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
Randomize
