you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
worst night to have a conscience
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
Randomize
