I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
he is a creepy guy.
yea thats what heroine does to ppl.
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
I just got carded by a ten year old.
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
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