im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
Randomize
