Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
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