Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
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I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
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He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
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