new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
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