There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
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