I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
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