Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
i've created a new STD.
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
Randomize
