so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
Randomize
