You do realize the lyrics aren't "hold me close TONY DANZA" right?
You can't be serious.
Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
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