remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
Randomize
