my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
Randomize
