i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
his life revolves around getting high and answering people on yahoo answers. he's perfect for you.
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
Randomize
