I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
Randomize
