The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
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