Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
Randomize
