I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
I don't think blacking out in class is a good idea. But I'm game
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
Randomize
