i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
it was like having sex with a tree stump
Periouds do not concern me. Biploogival needs are buological needs.
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
Randomize
