So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
There was blood everywhere. She was pretty good looking person though.
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I didn't notice because vodka
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
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long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
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