Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
I queefed so loud it echoed.
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
Randomize
