Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
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