Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
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